How to Honor Your Grandchildren’s Parents

Exodus 20:12 says, “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving to you.”

We are commanded in Scripture to honor parents but what if the parents are our own children? Does the honor verse still apply? Yes.

But how do we show honor, especially if we disagree with what’s going on? 

It’s hard, so let’s use the word as our acronym starting with H. 

H: Honor. First, we honor.

Honor our kids in front of our grandkids. All. The. Time. 

I had one grandparent who did not think highly of my mother. When I spent the night at their house, I heard my grandmother in the next room saying terrible things about my mom. 

Unacceptable.

Romans 12:10 reads, “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”

If you can’t honor your child or their spouse personally, honor their office as parent. Remember how it felt to sit there? Parenting is a tough gig under the best circumstances. 

Let’s honor our child and their spouse at all times. If we can’t say something nice, we keep our mouth shut. 

A: Accept. If we expect our kids to parent exactly like we did, we can forget it. Accept the fact that our children and their spouses will parent differently.

And sometimes that’s a good thing. 

My husband and I chose not to repeat dysfunctional behavior that we saw in our families. 

But what about the things we did right? Surely our kids will do that.

Not always. Yeah, I know. Go figure. 

But as a Christian grandparent, we don’t do ourselves any favors by questioning their decisions.

They’re not accountable to us. 

Philippians 4:8 reads, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Let’s commend things that they do well. Praise any improvements they made over our own choices. When appropriate, we should admit our own mistakes and regrets.

R: Respect. Respect boundaries. 

I don’t sugar the grandkids up. I don’t want to be the grandparent that spoils the kids rotten so that they’re terrible once they get home. Tired is okay. Bouncing off the walls from junk food? No. For me, that’s inconsiderate.

Let’s respect methods of discipline (unless they are abusive). 

The same thing goes with food choices, clothes choices, and the million other things that will come up. 

If you have to make a decision in their absence, consider framing it like this: For now, let’s do this and we’ll check with Mom and Dad when they get home. Then follow through. 

Anticipate some things and ask before they come up. Two of my children converted to Catholicism when they married. Already, I’ve thrown the question out to one of my sons. If his child comes to me with spiritual questions, how should I answer? 

I also avoid lying. We didn’t do Santa at our house when our kids were growing up. Some of my kids do. When asked, I focus on Jesus’s birthday. 

Romans 13:7 reads, “Pay to all what is owed to them: . . .respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.”

D: Defer. When in doubt, defer to Mom and Dad. 

2 Corinthians 8:21 says, “. . . for we aim at what is honorable not only in the Lord’s sight but also in the sight of man.”

I want my kids to know that: 

• I will not criticize them or their spouse in front of their children. 
• I will enforce boundaries that they have set. Bedtime, dessert, etc. At least, we’ll try really hard. 
• I will be there for help, support, and advice should they choose to ask for it. Some of my favorite times have come when a son asked me to help him out with the kids when his wife was traveling.
• They have my love and not my judgment. That means I work on my own issues at home.

I want to be a welcome guest. A go-to when support is needed. I bet you do too. 

That starts with honor, acceptance, respect, and deference. 

If you have a situation where your child and/or their spouse are not walking with Jesus, ask what the game plan is for the grandkids. Are they okay with you sharing Jesus with the grandkids, taking them to church, things like that? Ask. Get concrete answers and go from there. 

If everything is off limits, pray and don’t stop. Prayer is your greatest weapon, and you can point to God in other ways. Lots of children’s literature is full of biblical principles. Story impacts kids like few other tools, so much so that I’ll devote a future episode to it. 

Don’t give up.  

How can you honor your children as they parent? It’s HARD.

H: Honor them always, and especially, in front of the grandchildren. When we need to vent, we do it in private. 

A: Accept that our children will parent differently. Commend their improvements. 

R: Respect boundaries. Do we need to make any adjustments here? 

D: Defer. When in doubt, we defer to Mom and Dad. 

Prayer: Father God, help us to give honor even when we grieve over the decisions we see and oppose. For the kids that are raising our grandchildren in ways that please You, we give thanks. May we as grandparents serve as the best support staff ever as we continue to pray and never give up. In Jesus’s name, Amen. 

When the Holy Spirit convicts, let’s confess and repent. Let’s go to our children and their spouse and get right with them too. Then, we change that behavior. We win no points by digging in our heels. 

Let’s be welcome guests. Keep those doors open. 

Next week’s post: Stargazing with Your Grandchildren: Faith Takeaways from the Night Sky